The Morning After

Fortunately I have calmed down since yesterday and so far have not even begun to panic about today's upcoming event (lunch with a new book group). I suppose after seeing my fat pictures on the internet and having an out of mind experience from it, everything else pales by comparison. Then after lunch, it's over to work for a few hours and utter chaos to look forward to for the rest of the week.

The utter chaos by the way is a given...it doesn't matter how much i read Dale Carnegie and think positively. It's similar to going into a zoo and thinking positive thoughts that a tiger is not going to bite you if you stick your hand into the enclosure. Sometimes, reality wins hands down over positive thinking.

In fact, it's time to face reality with this weight and picture deal. I am overweight. It's why I've been doing slimfast with a hodgepodge of meals, some healthy, some not. It's why I no longer bring home ice cream as I can deal with a variety of desserts bought home yesterday which are taking up residence in my fridge and have only eaten one of them last night but I cannot bring home a pint of ice cream and have it last more than a few hours.

It's why I've been avoiding way too many things in life because I was using my fat as an excuse. And it's why I've gotten more involved with a lot more activities as I lost some weight and curiously enough stopped obsessing about every bite i was eating in the process.

It's why I sometimes wore the same pair of pants for months(yes, they were washed) because it was all that used to fit me. And it's why 2 months ago, my size 14 relaxed fit jeans were snug and now I can actually pull them off without having to undo the button or zipper.

I've lost a little over 1/3 of my weight loss goal. 40 lbs to go.

So yes, I am overweight. But hiding from pictures isn't going to make that go away. In fact, seeing it may be the motivation I need to stay on this road, no matter how long it takes, until I get to where I need to be.

Which in other words means it's time to confront my fear of fat pictures. The pictures are already out there.

But I did have fun yesterday. All that chocolate and butter and wonderful smells wafting through the air. It might have been too many recipes for me, personally in too short a period of time...we did 5 recipes in 4 hours...Chocolate Caramel Crunch Tart, Cottage Cheese Pufflets, Apple Turnovers, Chocolate Souffle and Espresso Cheesecake Brownies. So my hat is off to the organizer who pulled this all together and kept us all working on something.

What was rather cool was the fact that I think I may be over my fear of whipping egg whites and meringue. I was watching one of the other attendees do that as we were prepping the souffle and I realized it was a lot simpler than I had been amking it out to be. Now granted, i would need to start out with a clean pan but it was basically egg whites and sugar. And considering I have a stand mixer it makes life a lot easier for me. That was it.

Which probably goes to figure that there are other issues out there that may be a lot simpler if i just face them head on.