Friday, August 28, 2009

Slowing Down Long Enough to See

Trying to slow down enough to get my head around the upcoming day.

Fridays are always a busy day at work. We often run around like chickens knowing there's feed somewhere around the yard, pecking everywhere, getting very little done.

I know for some of them this is okay. There's peace for them in doing nothing. And who am I to say that this isn't what's best for them...that maybe this is the level that they are able to work at. I've spent a lot of time worrying about what they aren't doing when my workload is overloaded and I despair of ever getting it done. Or worse, doing a half assed job because I'm not concentrating. Multi-tasking is best done in short bursts of energy, not as a way of life for me.

In these past few months, having finally opened myself up to the world a I've realized that there's so much more to life than what I've settled for. It's as if I've been fumbling around in a dark room, wondering why I can't do anything, upset that there's no light, angry that other people have had light when I haven't.

And all that time, all I had to do was turn on the light myself.

What if for today, I did the best I could do? Not try to save the world at work. And not try to fix them or worry about what they are or aren't doing.

They're not going to change. Not at least because I said they had to or because I think they ought to. From their perspective there's probably lots of things they would change about me.

Today, I'll call a truce. And let them do what they do. I can only fix myself. And the fixing of myself not a one day project. So for today, I'm going to fix myself by taking care of myself and actually take a lunch. Get out of the office, take a walk and sit in the park.

Just be still and watch the world.

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