Well Maybe Not

Delayed but not forgotten...the panic attack.

I've bribed myself to get out of the house by promising to buy myself the Dorie Greenspan baking book I've been drooling over.

As long as I pay cash, I figure it's for a good cause.

Assuming I will need to do it once I get there and start having a good time like I did last week and forgot that I had to bribe myself to show up.

And I do know at least 3 of the people so it's not like walking into a room full of strangers (we won't go there yet...that's a panic attack for tomorrow.). And I"m the fourth one. So there's really only 2 strangers after all.

So lets think this through today. There's a few options here to deal with:

1) I don't go. I say "screw the $15.00" and stay home. Granted it's 2 hours before the event but I'm sure if I explained it to the teacher she'd be fine with it. Problem is I don't want to explain that. Not everyone understands social anxiety and I don't want her to see me that way. I don't want anyone to that preconceived notion about me. Based on my previous behavior at outings, I don't think they would have picked it up at all and this kind of thing does change the way we act towards other people.

2) I don't go. I say "screw it" stay home and say nothing to the teacher. Then I sit home brooding about wasted money and feeling cowardly and probably end up at store buying crap food because I'm feeling sorry for myself.

3) So I go. I watch and say nothing. I get to get a cookbook out of this. I still get to come home with treats too even if I watch and don't bake. Win Win situation for me.

4) So I go. I watch and I interact. I get to get a cookbook out of this. I still get to come home with treats and I get to practice my socializing skills.

In a weird way, this does actually give me hope. I'm panicking later at least.